Travel

I think there may be a way for me to go to Italy for a month. It fulfills an art history requirement and I would be able to get some awesome, photos for new Kaleidoscope images! I am praying about it. If it all falls into place I could go to Italy and stay for a month.

I have never been out of the country and have never had the desire to go out of the country - until now. I really want to go to Italy and see all the centuries old buildings, the landscape and the art. We will be 30 miles away from where they filmed the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun".

I am so excited!

Excitement

A local shop wants to put my work up for sale! My art work is taking off! It is so exciting! I have 5 prints framed and ready to hang this week.
I somehow have it in my head that I am going to sell them right away, we will see what the reality of that is, but I am hopeful that they will sell well. It is so exciting!

I would never have dreamed that I would even be selling my artwork 2 years ago. I would just create things and put them away in the attic, I would never let people see what I had created.

Isn't self confidence wonderful? You become confident in yourself and your skills and then everyone else sees the value in your talent too. Confidence is contagious it would seem.

Good News!

The doctor tells me I have a "Renal Mass" well I am sure you can figure out what my first thought was.....but it turns out it was a cyst on my kidney! No big deal and many people have them....whew......all those prayers panned out!

What a relief!

hanging over my head

It is funny how stress can affect me. I am not able to focus, I keep having these horrible thoughts run threw my head. The worst imaginable scenario, that whatever this mass is that they have found could be only the worst, but it could be something insignificant too, a cyst or something. I have had those before, lots of them, but my head keeps going back to the negative. What will I do about the kids if....? What will I do about paying the bills if.....? It is the if's that will kill you! I have to quit worrying about what might be and wait and see what the test on Monday reveals. I must stay on the here and now, but I can't seem to focus on my work, I can't seem to concentrate on anything. I want to sit and mindlessly watch TV or shop or read or play on the computer or do my art work. Should I just give in and go with it? I don't feel well at all anyway. Or..should I keep plugging away focusing as best I can? I play praise music, pray often and get mad at Satan and tell him off a few times a day. My God is healing me and I expect a miracle by Monday! Sigh....it really is a weight none the less, no matter how positive I feel.

Then I have a friend who is going to get demoted or fired as a friend. She has become so negative, she heaps all kinds of negativity on me when I am around her, and I don't need that negativity. I politely listen, and do my best to escape her, but last night she dumped all of her step childrens divorce and fights and cop calling garbage on me and I couldn't get away politely. I think I am going to have to throw polite out the window and be blunt. I hate to do that to someone, but right now I need positive people around me, and I don't need all of her garbage in my life. She is verbally journaling and she won't keep a journal because she is afraid that someone will read it! Well I am not going to be her journal I can NOT be her journal. It is poison to me and my mental well being and possibly my physical well-being. Satan get thee behind me!!!

Friends if you are reading this and I am sure you know who I am talking about please come rescue me when you see me cornered. PLEASE!

bad news

I got bad news from the doctor today, I have to go back in on Monday for another test. This does not sound good, but I am done worrying about something that is not true yet. So until then I am going to have a positive attitude and believe that it is nothing for now. I know something is wrong, but I am not going to listen to the words they said I am going to believe instead that God is taking care of it all and that this is just another thing that He is going to use to show people that God is in control and that He is our healer. I am going to believe that it is a huge kidney stone or something and that it will all work out. Thank you God for hearing my prayers and the prayers of your people - that you are working on my situation.

religion and politics

I have never been very active in politics. I get frustrated with it all, but here is an interesting blog about the Mayoral Candidate Matt Kelty from an indianapolis blogger.

Advance Indiana: Mixing Religion And Politics

Basilica Pictures

Here are the Basilica pictures that I took.

Traveling....

I love to travel and see new things. I have been down to St. Louis on numerous occassions and each time I fall more in love with that city. This past weekend I went to the Dale Chihuly show at the Botanical Gardens. What a fantastic show, Dale Chihuly will never let you down when it comes to one of his shows. Each one is unique and special, he tailors the show to the surruoundings of the area.

I also went to the Basilica in St. Louis. WOW! There are not many words that can describe the awe and beauty of this beautiful place of worship, my pictures don't even begin to do it justice. A must see place. It is a place I would like go back to without a group of people, in order to just sit and take in the reverant beauty of this beautiful house of God. It wasn't just about the beautiful artwork or awesome mosaics, there was a distinct feeling that God would physically show up while you contemplated all He is. Incredible place.

I thought I would share just a very small portion of all of the photos that I took, several thousand in all......very productive trip! I should have many new Kaleidoscope images soon!

more of me....

Well there are a lot more of me with my maiden name....maybe I don't want to change it back....

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 18 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Only one me...

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 0 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Christmas

Two days until Christmas, typically this is a "down" time for me, my depression swings in and the long dreary days of rain and no sunshine don't help any. This year it has been good - until today. I got a disconnect notice from the gas company. If only they would have waited one more week, I could have paid it with my school money. Who sends out disconnect notices two days before Christmas anyway? sigh....And I have the kids for Christmas eve and Olivia was asking what we were going to have to our "special Christmas Eve" meal. I have 3 pork chops and some baked potatoes, and no money. I know God has come through before and the TV is full of Christmas miracles, you can really believe that they can happen if you try hard enough.

I can dwell on the questions -why can't I find a job? Why can't I find freelance work, why am I poor? What have I done wrong? But when I let my mind go to those questions, the darkness threatens to invade like a fog. I can NOT go there, I have to keep positive, I have to hand it over to God and let him take control. It doesn't mean I shouldn't do my part -like call the Gas company and ask for an extension, but I can't dwell on what I can not control. Not a good time to be alone, how will I do it with the kids gone all next week? I am not sure. The Lord has provided a way to get me down to St. Louis for a long weekend, that will help, but until then the weight of aloneness will be great.

I would really like to see a Christmas miracle right here in my home this weekend.

Finals are over!

Finals are over for this semester. Whooo hoooo! My evenings are my own again,as are the daytimes. Of course that time will be spent building my freelance work and picking up the house. House work as not been a priority in the last two weeks of classes. It is amazing how quickly the children and myself can let the house get messy! Uck! Can't wait to get it straightened up again.

I feel such a relief to be done with classes.

Whirlwind!

all photos are copyright protected ©2006 Lisa McKibben Schwaberow



Life seems to be a whirlwind of late. My artwork has taken on a life of its own, fellow artists and friends are encouraging me in my artwork and there is a lot of enthusiasm for it. The possibilities are endless. The one thing I like about my artwork is it combines my love of my city, photography, computer art, and architecture all into one whole unit. And the beauty of it is the architecture that I love so much can be appreciated in any city, and my love of Chicago can be rolled right into the picture!

Taxes....
Ug! I am not tax brained...my brain has an area - I am certain of this - that locks up, freezes and shuts down when the thought of taxes comes to mind. I want to run far away from this aspect of the whole business. I believe I might have found a way. If you display your work in a gallery then you don't have to pay sales tax, the gallery will take care of that. I must still pay income tax but that I can deal with! Any gallery owners call me!

So as I sit here postponing the 16 page paper I have to write with 16 primary sources and the two finals I must study for, I contemplate the excitement of conquering the biggest sales job of my life - my work, and I easily postpone that work a few minutes longer.....but really I must return to work on that paper. So adieu for now!

So much going on!

There is so much going on in my life right now. I am pursuing my art, or maybe it is pursuing me, doors seem to be opening wide and I feel like I am being pulled along a path, but yet, it is work on my part as well. My Kaleidoscope images are starting to gain recognition! My source of inspiration and an artist that I admire so much, Karen Thompson, (click here for her site) said my work was wonderful! Wow! She liked my work! I was so thrilled, what an honor!
I have had two people say that I should sell my work in the retail market. I am giving that some thought. I feel like I need a plan. I am not sure how I am going to do this! You can see my work at ADOTCO.
Who would think that something that gives me such joy brings joy to others.
I really must thank Rebecca-Justice Schaab, she is the one that kept encouraging me first and telling me that I could do it. The new found confidence I have in myself is a big part of the growth I feel. I must share the poem that started it all for me.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

I have this posted on my bedroom wall and I read it often. Life is good.....

God is Good

Wow! God is good! Here I was with no dollars, couldn't even scrape up the change anymore, Gas tank almost empty, out of milk...well I could go on but you get the picture. I was keeping my peace and trying very hard not to worry, the worry kept creeping in at times but I managed to keep my peace. Well today the kids dad paid his support and I got a check that I wasn't expecting for a couple of more weeks!

I know some of you could reason it away and say that it would have come anyway, but really I just turned in the invoice for the one check yesterday, and I got the check today! WOW! That never happens! And as for child support? Same thing - WOW! That never happens! ha ha!!

It is nice to have unexpected blessings like that, it really restores your faith.
It is Olivia's birthday today and I was worried about a present for her, well God has taken care of that in the whole of this as well. God is good!

God is confirming

I no more than decided to have a positive attitude and God confirmed it. I went to church and the message was about the power of your words and how what you speak can affect your life! Amazing!

Oh and then of course God decided to test it out by making me have a reaction to the new meds I was on. So....I don't know how to respond to that. I am having a tough time of it, but according to God's word I am being healed. RIGHT? Sigh....

Positive Attitudes

I am going to try to have a more positive attitude. No one likes a downer. Plus the doctor put me on a new medicine and I think I feel a little better now. So I am going to try to be more positive.
My fingers and arms seem to not be my own, they don't want to move the way I want them to move, I am thinking meds again, hopefully these will ease up.
The kids and I went and walked around Jefferson Pointe last night that was a nice time, and better yet, my oldest son drove and I got to "relax" in the back seat. Does a parent ever really relax riding with their child in the car? He is only 16 years old, I guess it will take some time to adjust to that. We got on the highway (not an ordinary thing in our city) and that was a white knuckle experience! ha ha! Seriously he is a good driver I just think that it is hard to not see him as my baby behind that wheel.

Another first for me. The kids stayed up and watched a movie. I was so exhausted that I went to bed and left them up! Wow! That was a strange experience, I am so used to tucking them in, saying good night and the whole ritual that just going to bed was weird of course I was so tired it didn't keep me from going right to sleep!

I am really excited about some of the things our church is doing. We are trying to unite the artists in the church as a bible study group. Not just the oil painters but any one creative whether in their job or as a hobby. Architects, commercial artists, musicians, photographers and so on! It should be exciting, I am looking forward to it! I am wanting to meet new people.
Speaking of church - I must get everyone up and ready to go. Bye!

Your Dominant Intelligence is Spatial Intelligence

You've got a good sense of space and how the world around you looks. You can close your eyes and "see" images. You have innate artistic talent. An eye for color and shapes, you're also a natural designer. Since you think in pictures, visual aids and demonstartions help you learn best. You would make a good navigator, sculptor, visual artist, inventor, architect, interior designer, or engineer.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Health

You don't realize how important your health is until you have problems....not something to be taken for granted. I was told this week, that my kidneys are calcifying (there is a million dollar name for this but I can't remember it) and only functioning 60% - that is why I am so tired. There is nothing they can do for it, they can't reverse the damage that has been done, but if I drink 3 quarts of water a day or more I can slow it way down. I feel like I am floating away and I can't quite get the 3 quarts down - yet. I am working on it. Then I was told I have sleep apnea and one of my doctors said that could be the reason for my depression. I have to go back to the sleep clinic and sleep with one of those machines. UCK! I still have one more test to do in August and I am hoping it will bring good results, but I don't think it will, I KNOW there is a problem there.sigh...All this is piling up on me along with all the other problems and I don't have the strength to deal with it anymore. I did realize that being around people makes me feel better than staying home and avoiding people because I don't have the strength for it. I wish I could explain to people that it is not that I don't want to be around them it just takes energy that I don't have to get there, to sit there and to make conversation. The fatigue is the worst part, I am used to going 100 mph. I went to a Wed. Bible Study and I felt so horrible but I was there and I stayed. It was so good to talk to everyone and hear their stories from a recent trip.
You know what mystifies me is the doctor ask me, "who else in your family has kidney problems?" my response? No one....another doctor "who in your family has endometriosis? my response? No one...another doctor "who in your family has colon problems?" my response? No one....I asked my mom if I was adopted because I don't fit in our family. They all laughed and said I just got the bad end of the gene pool. I am the black sheep of the family and now medically I don't fit in. Could there be just one thing that causes all this? What can I do to make things better? Eat healthy, exercise and get sleep. Maybe it is the sleep apnea causing it all because my body can't get a good enough sleep to repair itself. who knows one can second guess every situation and drive themselves nuts. Sigh...I did find out that if I go to the balcony at church that I can sit down when I am tired and I don't feel conspicious. I wish I could have my energy back.

Lucky?

I don't feel lucky. I was told today that people don't want to hire people who are not good looking.....in other words.....you are fat and so that is why you can't find a job....they did not say it in an unkind way, nor mean it maliciously. I am never eating again....well at least not very much. No more pop or juice - water only, I have been neglectful to let my self get so big. I was a size 9 when I got pregnant with my third child, it was a wonderful pregnancy and since I felt good I ate a lot, I will take it off I said, but I was too busy chasing kids that I didn't take care of myself - big mistake and now I have to do something about it. From this day forward only very small measured bites will enter these lips. Aside from my sucky financial situation and things looking overwhelmingly bleak, I am never going to get a job - because I am fat, because I have poor credit because of my ex-husband. Just because.....and GOD is in control of it all isn't he? He really doesn't give a damn, no miracles in his pockets. I am glad the kids are going to camp (on a scholarship) next week, because there is not going to be much food in the house after this weekend. And I am not eating so that will be just fine.
I can't drive my car any where or at least I shouldn't because the plates are expired, and the church helped with that but of course the mail the check and since the bmv is not open again until Tuesday......the electric is due to be cut off next Friday, and I have not income coming in from anywhere. The gas is due to be shut off sometime next week, I just ignore it, maybe I won't need it. My rent went up to $805 dollars and I have no money anywhere, and I can't find a job. You know I just can't see a solution, I keep applying for jobs but.....what's the point? I don't have the energy or any kind of bubbly attitude to do a good interview. I am angry, angry at this world and angry that I have talent but because of other circumstances that have nothing to do with how well I could perform a job they won't consider me.