Thursday, December 29, 2005
Thoughts
I have been reflective lately, but yesterday something strange happened. I went to the store to pick up somethings for my mom and dad. It was a crowded shopping center. I was deep in thought and I suddenly became so aware of all the people around me and how most of them were hurting, lonely people and then I became aware of how lost many of them are with no knowledge of Jesus and who He was, and is, and I was filled with a deep sense of loss for them, a deep sense of pain and I began to wonder - If I felt so much pain for these people that I don't know, how much more Jesus must have felt. How did He do it? How did he come to earth knowing what He knew facing people on a daily basis and not be so overwhelmed with grief everyday. I was so overwhelmed with grief for these strangers and I was a mere mortal, human if you will, no obligation to them, no call to that, and yet the pain was so palatable that it hurt deeply. Why is that? What happened last night? What is God doing in my life? Where is He moving me to?
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Exciting!
Wow! I knew my Grandma had an aunt that was a missionary, I even have one of her artifacts that she had collected, but it became real when my mom and I were looking through old photos and we found a picture of her! I have become excited about this because we have a missionary in our family blood line! In the past 3 years of restoration of my body, soul, and spirit, I have been working through all of the past, and it seems like generational curses are a big part of me. All the bad stuff, skeletons if you will - rattling around in my closet. This is exciting to me, I haven't quite filtered through it yet, but I will keep you posted!
Monday, December 26, 2005
Ahhhh! It's over!
Another Christmas past, for this I am thankful. I know it's seems such a terrible thing to be thankful that Christmas is over, but I am. I love the fact that I, and many of my church family are celebrating the birth of our saviour and and what that means, but the rest of the world are celebrating the deep materialism that this country and the world has fallen into, not the birth of Jesus. I am afraid that much of it is celebrated as rote tradition, and the meaning has truly been lost.
Christmas is a VERY hard time of year for me, mostly because my love language is in gift giving and I have no money or time to be creative to fulfill the giving of gifts to those special people in my life, there is so much I would give to them if I could and not just in the way of the latest and greatest, technology gadget or the the coolest new item that everyone wants, but more, I would give some their college tuition or a much needed car, or a debt paid.
So for those of you who read this here are your gifts that I can afford:
To Wally - to you I would give you the self confidence in your self to know that you CAN do anything you put your mind to. You are talented and you CAN learn anything you need to in order to get those creative ideas out of your head and into existance. You ARE smart, funny, gifted and talented. I would give you the gift of believing in yourself because God knows what He is doing with you and He has given you those gifts, if you believe in Jesus, then believe in what He has given you!
To Troy and Asiah To both of you I give the gift of always remembering through the stress of life and children and long marriage the ability to remember the friendship you have for each other first and formost, never ever forget that. And remember farther down in your marriage that what attracted you to each other to begin with is probably the very thing that will annoying you to no end when you have been married for a while. Satans ploy maybe? Celebrate each other's differences and allow each other to be different from each other, after all who wants to read the same book over and over again! If I could I would give you both the stamina for long and happy marriage, never even give divorce as a option to tough times and above all if things get rocky it is NOT a bad thing to go get counseling to make your marriage stronger! And do this when they are tiny pebbles not big giant bolders. I give you the gift of my prayers for the next 70+ years for a strong healthy marriage.
To Troy
If I could I would give you to you the gift of confidence in your music skills. I would give you the connections to open doors that you could take your songs to the those that could bring them to the world. Please dear Troy, call Pastor Bob about the Song Writers guild at the church if you haven't all ready. You have such a gift and such a talent to give. I often wonder why you aren't pursuing it full time, but you are such a prayer warrior that I am sure God will direct your paths in that direction if that is His will.
I would give to you the gift of someone giving you a hug back the way you give hugs when you most need one in the twists and turns of your life.
To Tamara
I give to you the gift of being here if you need me. The gift of all the hugs you may need and a listening ear. The gift of understanding through the rough times and celebrating in the good times. I give you the gift of my admiration and your pure unadulterated joy that you have for Jesus - and the Holy Spirit! Your unwavering faith and your wisdom I give to you as a reminder to those around you of how precious you are. I give to you the gift of reminding you that you sing like an angel and I am sure the angels sing with you and rejoice when you do open your mouth to bring the love you have for Jesus into the throne room through the music that you provide. May you always have the strength and support network to help you fight through the foggy times.
So there you have it, it hardly seems enough but it is all I have to give.
Christmas is a VERY hard time of year for me, mostly because my love language is in gift giving and I have no money or time to be creative to fulfill the giving of gifts to those special people in my life, there is so much I would give to them if I could and not just in the way of the latest and greatest, technology gadget or the the coolest new item that everyone wants, but more, I would give some their college tuition or a much needed car, or a debt paid.
So for those of you who read this here are your gifts that I can afford:
To Wally - to you I would give you the self confidence in your self to know that you CAN do anything you put your mind to. You are talented and you CAN learn anything you need to in order to get those creative ideas out of your head and into existance. You ARE smart, funny, gifted and talented. I would give you the gift of believing in yourself because God knows what He is doing with you and He has given you those gifts, if you believe in Jesus, then believe in what He has given you!
To Troy and Asiah To both of you I give the gift of always remembering through the stress of life and children and long marriage the ability to remember the friendship you have for each other first and formost, never ever forget that. And remember farther down in your marriage that what attracted you to each other to begin with is probably the very thing that will annoying you to no end when you have been married for a while. Satans ploy maybe? Celebrate each other's differences and allow each other to be different from each other, after all who wants to read the same book over and over again! If I could I would give you both the stamina for long and happy marriage, never even give divorce as a option to tough times and above all if things get rocky it is NOT a bad thing to go get counseling to make your marriage stronger! And do this when they are tiny pebbles not big giant bolders. I give you the gift of my prayers for the next 70+ years for a strong healthy marriage.
To Troy
If I could I would give you to you the gift of confidence in your music skills. I would give you the connections to open doors that you could take your songs to the those that could bring them to the world. Please dear Troy, call Pastor Bob about the Song Writers guild at the church if you haven't all ready. You have such a gift and such a talent to give. I often wonder why you aren't pursuing it full time, but you are such a prayer warrior that I am sure God will direct your paths in that direction if that is His will.
I would give to you the gift of someone giving you a hug back the way you give hugs when you most need one in the twists and turns of your life.
To Tamara
I give to you the gift of being here if you need me. The gift of all the hugs you may need and a listening ear. The gift of understanding through the rough times and celebrating in the good times. I give you the gift of my admiration and your pure unadulterated joy that you have for Jesus - and the Holy Spirit! Your unwavering faith and your wisdom I give to you as a reminder to those around you of how precious you are. I give to you the gift of reminding you that you sing like an angel and I am sure the angels sing with you and rejoice when you do open your mouth to bring the love you have for Jesus into the throne room through the music that you provide. May you always have the strength and support network to help you fight through the foggy times.
So there you have it, it hardly seems enough but it is all I have to give.
Friday, December 23, 2005
It's been a while
I guess it has been awhile since I have blogged. I have been so busy with classes, the kids, life...
Where do I begin - I guess chronological order would be good.
First we found out my son has a learning disability - dyslexia. This has taken a lot of my time and energy because I want him to be successful in school and go to college. I feel like to let him fail in school I will fail him by not helping him. Somedays this takes a LOT of time and energy to help him with his homework.
Classes were challenging this semester, but I enjoyed it. I had to write several paper one was on the historical and archaelogocial proof for the tower of babel. Quite fascinating!
The next paper was on pro-gay theology. You have to choose a controversial subject and definitely be on one side of it. This topic was very taxing as both sides have very convincing arguments but it was if the bigger picture was coming into focus as I did this paper. It was mentally exhausting, but very fulfilling by the time I finished. I ended up with a B in the class, but since I had tried 3 times before to pass this class I am more than satisfied with a B. I didn't have the english classes when I was in high school and besides it was so LONG ago! haha!
Next on the list is my sister's business. I have jumped in with both feet to help her build her business and make it successful. We are a good match, she if very market saavy and business minded and likes schmuzing with the big dogs. Me on the other hand, I am perfectly content to be in the background, create and be creative, and provide customer service. It is a tad confusing because my sister is the sole proprieter and I am an employee of sorts but yet she refers to me as her partner. I don't quite know how to act or react in this situation.
More later....
Where do I begin - I guess chronological order would be good.
First we found out my son has a learning disability - dyslexia. This has taken a lot of my time and energy because I want him to be successful in school and go to college. I feel like to let him fail in school I will fail him by not helping him. Somedays this takes a LOT of time and energy to help him with his homework.
Classes were challenging this semester, but I enjoyed it. I had to write several paper one was on the historical and archaelogocial proof for the tower of babel. Quite fascinating!
The next paper was on pro-gay theology. You have to choose a controversial subject and definitely be on one side of it. This topic was very taxing as both sides have very convincing arguments but it was if the bigger picture was coming into focus as I did this paper. It was mentally exhausting, but very fulfilling by the time I finished. I ended up with a B in the class, but since I had tried 3 times before to pass this class I am more than satisfied with a B. I didn't have the english classes when I was in high school and besides it was so LONG ago! haha!
Next on the list is my sister's business. I have jumped in with both feet to help her build her business and make it successful. We are a good match, she if very market saavy and business minded and likes schmuzing with the big dogs. Me on the other hand, I am perfectly content to be in the background, create and be creative, and provide customer service. It is a tad confusing because my sister is the sole proprieter and I am an employee of sorts but yet she refers to me as her partner. I don't quite know how to act or react in this situation.
More later....
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