Today I had to make funeral arrangements for my Sister Linda. My mom, my dad, my other sister and I had to sit in the funeral home and figure out which casket to get, which options to forgoe and which to take. My brother mark just couldn't do it.
My sister passed away quite unexpectedly yesterday. We thought she had the flu and we guess with the diabetes that it was too much for her body to handle. We found her passed out on the floor unconcious and she was barely breathing. The paramedics worked for an hour before taking her to the hospital.
I just can't believe my sister is gone. There is a hole deep in my sole, and empty spot that just can't be there. She was the one that I called and talked to when I had bought something totally frivolous and wanted to share it with someone. She never judged me and told me that on my budget I should never have spent the money. Instead she would laugh with me and tell me the lastest, coolest thing she had gotten. Linda always could make you laugh, she was so caring and loving. Around this time of year, we would always have a unspoken competition about who would find the first bag of Brachs White Malted Milk Balls. I would call her up and say, "guess what I bought today?" and she would say - "White Malted Milk Balls! I bought them two days ago!" she always beat me! And we both agreed that they had to be the white ones because the pastel ones just didn't taste the same!
Linda was the one who put the precious scrapbooks together for each of the nephews as they were graduating from high school. Someone has to do that now. It is a family tradition and no one could do it like Linda. She squeezed so much in to a 24 hour period that sometimes it amazed me. She seemed to be busy all the time. I remember sitting at our parents house cutting out shapes for her preschool class. She got the Golden Apple award just last month! A huge honor and the first preschool teacher to ever receive one!
Linda was my designer, I needed advice on how to organize my house and she came up with such great ideas! She had such an energy about her.
She used to call me up and ask her to help her with a computer problem and then would apologize because I had to come over and help her. I never told her how much I enjoyed those times. I told her how it was okay I didn't mind, but I never told her how much I enjoyed those hours sitting in her home office talking and sharing and discussing the things going on in our lives. I treasured those moments and I am not sure I ever told her. I thought there would be many, many, more.
We are never promised tomorrow, but when tomorrow doesn't come for a person who is young it is devastating. It feels like a dream.
Well she is probably no longer feeling crummy, or in pain from her fibermyalgia, and she is probably having a great time with grandma and grandpa. I just wish I could talk to her one last time. It had been a week and a half since I last called her.
I feel like the tears will never ever stop. It just doesn't seem right.
I miss you big sister, I really, really miss you.....
