July 15, 2009

I went to the grocery last night and did some of my food shopping...wow, that was harder than I thought it would be! It seemed like the addiction part of this whole thing was very very strong, I wanted to rip open a bag of cookies and eat them right here, the cheese aisle I wanted to go crazy and buy a bunch of cheese.
I turned my head when I walked by the pop tarts so I didn't have to see them!
It was very difficult but I do have this to say being on a very tight budget, my grocery bill went WAAAAYYYYY down! That is exciting to me!

So far we are actually doing very very well. I am not finding it hard to eat this way at all. I had a salad yesterday that had strawberries and blueberries on it, and we have both agreed that this one is our favorite. The day before it was tomatoes cut up, walnuts, onions, and black beans. I had never had black beans but they tasted great!
I am having a difficult time getting a smoothie combination that I like. I did one yesterday with a banana, soy milk and mixed berries, the taste was great but I had to pull about 20 seeds out of my mouth every time I took a drink! We will figure it out. I need to use more fruits that don't have seeds. I am going to try a banana peach combination tomorrow. I find that I really like Almonds natural, raw and fresh. They taste so good!

The cooked veggies at night is proving difficult too, we are rushing here and there and it is difficult fixing a "quick" dinner. Another area we need to work on.

Poor Olivia though...she has a mouth full of cold sores from eating this way. We need to find out what is causing it. I posted on the forum about it to see if Dr. Fuhrman had any suggestions for it. I am also still very sick and putting off going to the doctor to get more antibiotics and trying to get better on my own. The first round of antibiotics didn't get rid of my extremely sore throat and ears full of fluid. I am hoping that my immune system will kick into high gear pretty soon.

We are getting our before pictures taken tonight. My brother in law has a photo studio and he is going to take our pictures.
I am determined to do this....I am so excited about being skinny, active and healthy again. I want to go kayaking, and rollerblading and a whole host of other things and I can't do it in this body! I am also looking forward to not getting sick anymore as well.

Another aspect of this? I have a LOT of people watching me to see how I am doing. Not only do I risk disappointing myself but a lot of other people as well if I don't stick with this and lose the weight. Many of whom are overweight or unhealthy that really need what Dr. Fuhrman is trying to teach. So many say, "oh I couldn't do that" but I think they can if they want it bad enough.

I talked about the temptation in the grocery store, but I also noticed a LOT of unhealthy overweight people like myself, reading labels on yogurt, or picking up cheese. One family had a cart full of doritos, chips, pop, cereal, and very little fresh fruit and vegetables. The father reached in and got some frozen mixed berries and the wife said, "we will never eat those" and he put them back. They had three small children.....I wish I had hundreds of copies of Eat to Live to hand out.....I look at what is in the grocery stores and just shake my head. It is sad really.

Well I can only take care of myself and my family and that is what I am starting to do. I look forward excitedly to what the future holds and being thin and healthy again! Whoooo hooooo!

I made it!

I made it through the afternoon! I have beat the cravings for now. One day at a time!
I am eating my cooked greens, and then I believe I will treat myself to a watermelon! I bought one of those personal watermelons and I will eat half leaving the other half to Olivia. I can't wait!
I am proud of myself to this point! I can do this!

Cravings

I had a "smoothie" that was anything but smooth. I will never make that one again. Apples don't mix well in a blender. I would much rather eat my fruit.
I had my almost pound of salad, all but a small bowl for lunch, followed by raspberries. Cooked greens for dinner. I find myself sitting here craving brownies, chocoloate, or anything sweet! AAARRRRRRGGGGGGGG! It is an addiction! It really is. My drug of choice - sugar! but then I think about being thin and I can handle going with out! Fighting to gain control and stay on top!

tough

It has been hard today. We had our breakfast of fruit, when down to see the parade and there is a restaurant nearby that has health food and great salads so I thought we would go there. Well guess what? Today was polish food day and they didn't have any of their regular menu....Olivia was so hungry she broke and had what she wanted. I had a side salad, very small, with cucucumbers, tomatoes and onions. I was starving a little bit later. I came home and took a nap, here I sit at the computer and Olivia and I are going to go to the grocery to buy what we need. Frustrating....I should have planned for a back up, but I didn't think it was necessary. Sigh...but, that is behind me, back to the plan.

New Beginnings

I have read Dr. Joel Fuhrman's book "Eat to Live" and I am ready to change the way I eat. I had no idea how badly I have been feeding my daughter, and myself. I have literally been feeding myself to death.

At this point I am about 130 pounds overweight, I am pre-diabetic, I have high blood pressure, depression, colon issues, kidney stones and nephrocalcinosis. I have dry scaly patches on my skin, blotches on my face and gray hair since I was 20 years old. I have severe pain in my neck every day of my life. (chiropractor once told me that I had arthritis in my neck from a car accident) I have allergies, asthma, and I am exhausted all the time. I rarely have enough energy to barely function.

I would like to see several things happen by starting this new eating style. First and most importantly I want my health back. I want the neck pain to go away, I want the high blood pressure to be gone, my sugar levels normal, my energy back and lastly I want to lose weight.

I have seen my friend Emily lose over 100 pounds in 10 months eating more food than she was before! Click here to see her transformation She has inspired me and my daughter and I are ready to to do this thing.

If you read Dr. Fuhrmans book it will change your life.
I will be posting pictures of myself and putting my statistics here. Weight loss, health improvements, like blood pressure and glucose levels.

I will be posting the whole experience here. How I am feeling, the struggles I am having and the triumphs I am sure to encounter! I am so excited and can't wait to begin this journey. I will be posting my daughters progress as well. She is 16 and weighs more than myself. She also has health problems as well. She is dedicated to changing as much as I am, which is helpful for both of us.

We went through the cupboards and have gotten rid of all of the food we shouldn't eat. I hate to give it to anyone else knowing how bad it could be for anyone else but alas..not everyone is going to feel the same way I do and there are a lot of hungry people out there.

I can't wait to become the new me. I think it will help my job situation as well. Should the job I have now not be permanent as I have been told, then I should have an easier time finding the job I want when I am 100 pounds lighter and thin! People may think I am wrong but it doesn't matter how talented you are if when you walk in to be interviewed they are repulsed by your weight and biased. Maybe this is not true, but it will remain to be seen!
Keep watching!

Update

Here is another week gone and another ready to start. It was quite an exciting week. I had wrote into the Dr. Phil show asking about where he sent kids that needed intense counseling. The associate producer called me back and wanted to feature my daughter on the show. After a whirlwind of phone calls back and forth and trying to get her cleared to go legally, it was all cancelled because the timing was not right. The associate producer said he enjoyed working with me and did want to feature us at a later date...he probably was saying that just to be nice but that is okay, it was exciting while it was happening. It made an otherwise boring week very exciting. I think I looked forward to going to a state with warm weather more than anything since we are still in a frozen tundra. I didn't so much want to be on the Dr. Phil show as much as I just wanted help for our daughter.
She started a new school this past week and she seems to be thriving in it and enjoying learning. A huge step forward!

I had a flat tire this week, and that is costing me $170. The future with no job lined up and not even any freelance lined up seems a little daunting at the moment. I have an appointment to talk to the women's bureau about how to successfully run a business. I have been doing this halfway for way too long now, it is time to get serious about it.

Now that I don't have to go to work, I will try to update this blog more often. I have been so busy twittering, and facebooking that I have let other things slide.
Tata for now!

It's been a while....

It has been a while since I have posted I have been going through a bit of a crisis period in my life. My daughter has made poor choices and caused a lot of reflection, anguish and tension. We are working on it and are walking tenderly on egg shells as we try to find a balance.
My father had surgery for an anuerysm and is having a tough time with the drugs making him loopy and not moving very well.
I lost my job.
And of course because of these big events all of the other stressful things that come up in life seem compounded.
But life goes on and this very moment I am at peace and relaxed and that is all I can do is live in the moment so for this moment - life is good.

If Santa could get a letter from me.....

If it was possible for Santa to get a letter from me here is what I would write...

Dear Santa,
All I want for Christmas is for my 16 year old daughter to regain her innocence and to be safe from these men who are trying to get her into prostitution and protected. I want her to be tucked safe and sound into a facility for troubled kids before Christmas so that she could experience what Christmas is really all about, even if it is not with her family. I would like for her to be part of our family again. I would wish that we could be best friends again.
And Santa, I would like help finding another job, preferably near where ever my daughter goes or better yet a job I could do from home with a paycheck I could count on. You see I lost my job at General Motors because of budget cutbacks and as a single mom with no other income coming in I am really worried about how I am going to make ends meet. It doesn't have to be a job that is makes me extremely wealthy I have only ever known struggling to make ends meet, just a job that pays the bills would be great.
I am sorry Santa that I am not putting up a tree this year or decorating. My heart just isn't in it this year with my daughter being gone from home and my two boys living with their dad this year.
Do Christmas miracles still really happen Santa? I have always believed in the majic of Christmas but this year the majic seems to have waned and I want to believe so badly that miracles do still happen because I feel like I really need a miracle this Christmas.

Sincerely,
Lisa Schwaberow

Job application

I have applied for a Social Media Manager position with the company I currently work for. I am so excited about this position! From the job description it seems as if the majority of the work would be all about blogging, facebooking, myspacing, twittering and more! I think that would be a dream job to have to do those things all day long for your company. The company I work for would be easy to get behind I have used their products for years and love them. I love blogging, and I have even been reading books on how to make money blogging. I have been perusing boards that need bloggers thinking that I would like to get serious about this, but to be able to blog full time for a job would be like a dream come true.

My sister said that they are going to look at the fact that I am not a young kid but if they would take the time to get to know me they would see that I am a kid at heart and all of these social networking sites are a fascination of mine. Heck I introduced MySpace to my teen age kids! Of course in Olivia's case I wish I wouldn't have..anyway hindsight ey? I skype, I IM, I text, I chat, I post on forums, I LOVE to write, everything the job posting wanted for this position, I get really excited when I think about using this medium to promote product, I just can't believe that a company would be willing to pay a person for that, especially for a product that is so reputable. I suppose it is those years of retail sales that make that an easy concept. Everyone has always said that I could sell ice cubes to Eskimos, maybe this is a way to use those skills with my love of the internet. Maybe I don't understand the job fully but I am hoping to have the chance to learn more about it. I have applied for dozens of jobs but none of them have excited me as much as this one. I will let you know if anything comes of this.

Thanksiving

Another Thanksgiving in the past. There is so much to be thankful for but this year has been harder. This was the first Thanksgiving without my sister Linda being here. Her passing was in everyone's mind but we didn't talk about it much. Oh sure there were little comments here and there....Mom, made her special cutout cookies and Linda used to always complain that there wasn't enough icing, someone commented on that. She was on all of our hearts. Alex too was with a family that we didn't know for Thanksgiving, a surrogate family out near the marine base. This was his first year away from us since joining the Marines. Then Olivia, and her problems, we haven't seen or talked to Olivia in over 2 weeks. Olivia as well was in all of our minds but no one wanted to talk about it - least of all me.

But even with all of that there was so much to be thankful for - family, love, support. I am thankful that Olivia is safe and protected. I am thankful that Linda doesn't have to suffer in that body in anymore and I am thankful that Alex has found purpose in his life.

I am thankful for having talents and skills that will help me find a new job somewhere! I am thankful for having the peace of knowing that everything will work out for the best.

I believe too, that Thankfulness is all about attitude, a sort of PollyAnna effect on the situations in life. Look for the good, the "glad" passages, of every situation.
For instance my job situation, now is the perfect time to be free to go any where in the country if I find a job in another state. I have always wanted to go and everything is in place to make that easily attainable.

If the holidays cause you to be depressed - take stock of your attitude - one small shift in your attitude might make all the difference in your world.

Amazing! I am being watched over...

Yesterday, I woke up thinking, my alarm should be going off soon, I wonder what time it is? I looked at my phone and lo and behold it was 6 am, my alarm is set to go off at 5:30 am! I turned the volume knob and no sound, I turned my radio off and then back on and it the sound was fine. Well I rushed around did all of the things I needed to do and headed out the door. I realized on my way to work I forgot my scarf, not a big deal really but I hate being cold and a scarf helps that immensely! Then I get over to the expressway and the police have it shut down, grumble, grumble, grumble, this made me 30 minutes late for work. But changing directions I remember reading in a book one time that if things aren’t going as they should keep your eyes and mind open because something is going to happen that is supernatural or a misfortune of some type is lurking about. I pondered that and then turned the radio on to hear if the traffic report had any reason for the expressway to be blocked off. Well……they had shut down the expressway because there was a 30 car pile up that I would have been involved in had I been on time, I pass through there every day at about the same time and it was during that time that the accident happened. Now you skeptics out there can say, “oh, it was just coincidence…” and I might agree, but can you explain why my alarm went off just fine this morning with no problems? Hmmmm, sounds like much more than just coincidence to me! Any thoughts?

Sigh....my heart is heavy

My heart is heavy....my daughter is a willing victim. She has these evil men, guys in their early to mid 20's pursuing her. She is only 16 years old. They are african american men. She says I am racist, I tell her that if these guys were white I would be reacting the same way, it is not a matter of race but a matter of morals. These guys have gotten her in real trouble on more than one occassion. I see signs of gang activity, I see poor attitudes, and a hate for me that is un-nerving.
She has brought so much trouble into our lives and she views it as all my fault. As a parent I probably have brought it on because I am not willing to let her continue on the destructive path that she is on, but ultimately it is her actions that is bringing this all upon herself. How do you get a child with such poor self esteem to see that these guys don't care about her and that they are using her?
The hardest part is not throwing your hands up in the air and saying I quit. For how much anger, arguing, and hatred can a person put up with. But then I look at this young lady and I remember the little girl, that laughed and giggled and was so tender and caring to her family and it is for that little person that I throw on my uniform of war and put on my tough mental attitude to go to war for. I know she has to be in this tough shell of turmoil, she must be in there somewhere.
I just re-enrolled her into the local high school instead of the online high school.
She has a court hearing this week. Most likely they are going to send her to the youth detention center for a week. This breaks my heart. She has an enthusiasm for school right at the moment. She is talking about joining the chess club, and track in the spring. I am excited these are positive changes, but will the week in the detention center hurt her or will they just reinforce the positive changes she is trying to make? I am so afraid she will quit, give up and that this will just make things worse. But then again maybe, just maybe they will reinforce the fact that she needs to take stock in her life. Because ultimately no matter what I do or say or what the courts do or say it comes down to one thing - SHE must decide to make the changes in her life. NO ONE can do that for her.
I feel so alone....I am not a bad parent, my other children are fine. But this is a lonely road it seems. I can't find any support groups of parents with wayward children, to get advice and help from. I guess this is something that must be swept into a closet and endured on your own.
So for now I pray, thank God for those times when He lets me know that my daughter is up to no good (supernaturally there has been MANY times) and trust that I am being guided by a power that is much more wise than I am.

New Buzz Word

I just heard a new buzz word Obamanomics....I don't know why but that just tickles my funny bone!

My Birthday Today!

Today is my 48th birthday! I don't feel 48 years old. I feel like I am still in my 20's....where does time go?
I had to work today and that means that I spent most of my day alone, in "the cave" my office as I have come to call it. It is painted black and is very dark, and NO ONE ever comes in my office....it is very lonely. But today I was busy and didn't take notice of it so much today.
I came home and my mom had fixed a great meal of roast, potatoes and cooked carrots! Yum! My favorite meal and then topped off with a sugar cream pie. My boys came in from their dad's house and my oldest son brought his friend - who is a girl - I dearly love her but they are just friends...maybe someday it will be more.
Over all is has been a okay day, but I am extremely tired and want to go to bed! I guess I really am getting old when I want to go to bed at 7:30 at night.
I blew out the candle on my cake and wished for a new job! Here is hoping that those birthday wishes really do come true.
Tomorrow would have been my 25th wedding anniversary had we stayed married. As it is we only made it to 18. I can't help but wonder what life would have been had we stayed married....I think I am better off. I just wonder how the kids might have been different - mostly my daughter - had we still been married....would she have avoided the pitfalls of her anger and rebellion? One has to wonder. Life really is all about choices.
Well enough for today, I will try to post more later this week. I have had the worst time with my daughter lately. I will share the story here later....a short preview would be - don't ever get homemade tatoos!

Conclusion

I have come to a conclusion....more on that in a minute, but first, I was reading my last post on negativity. I didn't say anything and it has died down now, the negativity that is. So I have made a commitment to myself, when someone posts something on the boards instead of jumping in and adding my opinion if it is something negative I am just going to sit back and not post anything. If we would all do that then it would die down really quickly. And...I have been posting positive things to help, but for the most part it has been very positive this week. I really do like these people on this forum, they are so fun and loving for the most part, and there are always a few good laughs!

Music Video

Created this for a school project and thought I would share.

negativity

I have a forum that I am very involved in. It is a board that is supposed to be full of people of higher spirituality. But lately all the posts seem to be negative, I have started two posts saying "I am tired of the negative posts I am trying to be positive and it has changed my life!" but it seems wrong to post something negative about people posting negative things! ah well.....

my thoughts for today on a day when I am really really tired.....

There is justice!

There really is justice in this world without me having to do a thing!
If you have been following my huge disappointment about having the sticker win taken away because of politics then you will understand this.
I found out this week, that someone went out in the parking lot during lunch and there was the good ole union brother, winner of the sticker contest sitting in his.....(drumroll please).....HONDA! And not in the foreign car lot either.....there will be serious repercussions for him on that one...teee heee! There is justice in this world there really is!
I love it!
I have let it go and good things are coming my way anyway.

Huge Disappointment

Well this is how a plant with union, and Management works.....You see I designed the door sticker and won hands down by anonymous voting....but when the union guy found out that I had won all of a sudden there was an issue with the prize being not made in America and so they couldn't give it out...then....they bought an American Made prize to give out, and then from there it went to she is not union or management (I am contracted within the plant from another company) she can't win. So they decided I couldn't win....you should see the second place contest winner. Sigh....So the Quality Council is going to give the award to the second place winner which doesn't even come near my design in quality, or design. So you see it is really not about quality but about politics. This is the worst part about this job. It would be a great place to work if you could change the manangement versus the union mentalities. It is so very disappointing and worse of all I feel like I have to act like it doesn't really matter, and that I don't care, when really I am very very hurt. Why can't my design work ever get out of the ordinary stage? I finally felt like maybe this was a step to being recognized as a real designer and not just a creative person with design skills.
I am very very hurt....

WHoooo Hooooo!

I am so over the top with excitement at the moment! The GM plant had a contest for a new sticker that would be put on the side of the door of every vehicle leaving the plant. I submitted my idea - and I won! Never mind that I won a fantastic wall clock that chimes, that to me is the least of the reward. The greatest reward is knowing that every truck built by GM at this plant will have my design on it! WOW! This is mind-blowing to me! I asked if I could put the first sticker on when they finally use them. My design will be seen by millions of people (let’s hope anyway with GM struggling so! Ha ha!) that buy the Silverado or Sierra trucks! What a rush! I am so excited!